AN INTERESTING BIT OF VINTAGE BAT-TRIVIA

 

Richard Widmark as Tommy Yudo, cinema's first version of the Joker (sort of).

Just found out that Richard Widmark's performance as his Tommy Udo character in the classic KISS OF DEATH (1947) was modeled after the 1940's original iteration of the Joker, and being familiar with the Joker of the comic's first couple of years, I totally see it. Widmark was reportedly a fan of Batman comics, so there you go. Even crazier, when Frank Gorshin essayed his legendary manic turn as the Riddler on the 1966-1968 BATMAN television series, borrowed (and exaggerated) his famous giggle from Widmark's Tommy Udo.

THE BATMAN (2022)

Myself and Michele at THE BATMAN.

So, THE BATMAN. I won't go into the plot details, other than to say that it's basically a modern day noir for grownups that involves the mystery behind a string of connected murders, which intersects with a mob story, with both featuring a rookie Batman (he's only been at it for two years, and he's still sorting himself out) in a police/detective procedural.

Let's cut to the chase. This is hands down my favorite live-action Batman movie (I don't care for any of the previous ones; Adam West gets a pass because his was a comedy, and I'll grant you Heath Ledger's chilling Joker), as it's as serious as a heart attack, it's violent as hell, Batman actually does detective work, he's in the batsuit for 98% of his time onscreen, this version of the Batmobile would be right at home in a Mad Max movie, the Batcave makes sense, Catwoman steals the movie (though she is never once called Catwoman, but she does once refer to herself as "the Cat"), Jeffrey Wright is superb as JIm Gordon, Paul Dano does for the Riddler what Heath Ledger did for the Joker, an unrecognizable Colin Farrell works a miracle as the best Penguin ever (not at all what is expected of the character, and it works beautifully), its three hours just fly by, and it's totally for grownups. In short, this is the anti-BATMAN AND ROBIN (1997). HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. 

 

Oh, and don't bother staying for a stinger at the end. There's something brief, about three seconds long, and it is in no way worth putting off hitting the can for a long-held leak.

100 YEARS OF NOSFERATU (1922)

ETERNALS (2021)

Seldom has the boredom of immortality been driven home so pointedly.

 

So, it took three staggered tries, but I finally made it though INTERMINABLES, er, ETERNALS. 

 

It was dull, overlong, the characters were mostly ciphers about whom it was impossible to care, and the tragic choice of favoring Neil Gaiman's latter day take on the characters — which I failed to make it all the way through — at the expense of removing about 99% of creator Jack Kirby's creative DNA proved its undoing, so much so that I won't even bother with a recap of its plot or its place in the overall MCU. The film ends with a setup for more, but considering its well-deserved audience apathy/dislike, I very much doubt we'll get another Eternals film, despite a blurb at the end promising "THE ETERNALS WILL RETURN."

As usual with MCU movies, we get stingers at the end, the first of which introduces Pip the Troll (voiced by Patton Oswalt and poorly rendered in CGI) and Starfox, then at the ass end if the credits, we get setup for the inclusion of the Black Knight, played by GAME OF THRONES' John Snow himself, Kit Harrington. The Black Knight has always been a nothing of a character, so I don't see him progressing much further if another Eternals film does not happen.

Bottom line: This one is majorly skippable and, if you ask me, it edges out THOR: THE DARK WORLD as the MCU's biggest dud. It tragically squanders a vast canvas of concepts and visuals laid down by Jack Kirby, as well as wasting an impressive cast on a plot and dialog that I would not give to a two-by-four. Seriously, watch an old Cecil B. DeMille epic instead. You'll get far more enjoyment and entertainment.

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST: GOODBYE TO THE UA COURT STREET MULTIPLEX

An auditorium at the now-defunct Regal UA Court Street in Brooklyn's Cobble Hill. Once a cinema house of audience madness, now a lifeless tomb of movie memories, some good, some not so good.

The day has finally come when the Regal Court Street Stadium 12, more recently the Regal UA Court Street, dimmed its lights for the final time, and I cannot say I'm really all that shocked. The 12-screen multiplex in downtown Brooklyn was a management disaster and the audiences there were sometimes nightmarish. Seeing animated films there was the worst, because ghetto parents used it as an excuse to let their kids run around unsupervised while they sat back and got their drink on while devouring Popeye's (from the one a few doors up the street) and littering the floor with its bones and boxes. After my experience of seeing Ratatouille there, a cartoon that isn't a kid's movie at all, I swore off seeing animated films anywhere other than an arthouse like the Film Forum. 

Probably my most cherished memory of the place and its annoying audiences was when I saw STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES with my lover at the time. We were seated to the right of an overweight, bespectacled guy in his mid-thirties who kept his gaze locked on the screen while saying aloud to himself, but which all present could not help but hear, comments like "And THAT...is why he is a MASTER...of THE DARK SIDE," and my favorite, when Yoda whipped out his lightsaber: "And NOW...You shall see why he is called...THE MASTER." He threw out comments like that from the start of the film to the end (when he stood up, thrust both fists into the air and whopped "WHOO-HOO!!!") and it was simultaneously annoying and hilarious. I don't know if the guy was just socially awkward or on the spectrum or what, but I swear to whatever gods there may be, I would give my left arm for his commentary to accompany the film's DVD as an extra.

SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME was my last movie there. I went by myself a couple of weeks back and found the place damned near deserted, so it was obvious that the end was approaching. That said, for my money, as a theater, it was pretty much the most palatable of the mainstream Joe Sixpack ones I've been to in Brooklyn during my 25 years living here. It was convenient to get to and, if you caught a movie with a civilized audience (a rare occurrence), it could be quite pleasant. 

Requiescat en pace, Court Street Stadium 12. If you ran more exploitation films, you would be remembered as a solid grindhouse.

A MUSING ON ROADHOUSE (1989)

Ben Gazzara as crime boss Brad Wesley.

Just thought of something: Considering how ROADHOUSE (1989) ends, the citizens of Jasper, Missouri could have simply murdered uber-asshole crime boss Brad Wesley at the get-go, instead of hiring Dalton as the Double Deuce's cooler. That simple act of singular homicide would have saved several lives and untold millions in property damage. But then I guess the movie would be only two minutes long, so there you go...

HOUSE OF GUCCI (2021)

Welcome to the world of affluence porn.

So... HOUSE OF GUCCI, which shall hereafter be referred to as HOUSE OF GOOCH. (If you don't know the meaning of the slang term "gooch," look it up. It is wholly appropriate in this case.)

Based on the story of the fall of the legendary Gucci fashion dyanasty, the film  is an overlong example of what can only be called "affluence porn," with a genuinely good performance by Lady Gaga serving to anchor an otherwise super-episodic cornucopia of awful dialogue, cartoonishly bad accents, and a soundtrack of ready-made classic pop hits to accent the proceedings. It veers wildly between borderline-surrealist camp — its unintentionally hilarious sex scene between Lady Gaga and Adam Driver being a standout — and an ultra-grim drama of inter-familial power plays, betrayals, and eventually murder.

 

It's really bad and definitely worth catching when it hits cable, but be ready for some of its more "out there" elements, with Jared Leto stealing the film as talentless would-be design maven Paulo Gucci. His is a performance that has to be seen to be believed, complete with "It's-a me, Mario!" accent that bears zero resemblance to that wielded by any real Italian person. Seriously, it's downright embarrassing.

 

Final verdict: HOUSE OF GOOCH may scratch your itch for affluence porn and intra-familial intrigue, but a good movie it ain't, and it's really pushing the audience's patience with a running time of two hours and thirty-eight minutes.

 

 

Jared Leto as Paolo Gucci: guaranteed to take home a Razzie at this year's awards ceremony.