3 DEV ADAM (1973)

There are those who say it's a toss-up between the Japanese and the Italians for being masters of the celluloid ripoff, but I strongly disagree. That title goes hands-down to the Turkish film industry, purveyors of some of the most shameless and potentially-illegal films ever released, such as ripoffs of STAR WARS, STAR TREK and SUPERMAN, in which they took the actual effects footage from the real productions without a hint of permission and cast local "talent" in the familiar roles of Chewbacca, Mr. Spock, and other beloved heroes. So how could I not want to see a film that not only features Spider-Man as a bad guy, but also has an opening scene in which he orders his henchmen to murder a woman who's been buried up to her neck on a sandy beach by shoving the whirling propeller of an outboard motor into her face, an act that showers blood onto the legs of some of the smiling onlookers?

Yes, kiddies, it's 3 DEV ADAM (loosely translated as "Three Mighty Men"), a film that would more honestly be entitled COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT: THE MOVIE, featuring as it does the aforementioned Spider-Man, a bargain basement Captain America, and even some guy as Mexico's most famous wrestler/superhero, El Santo.

When the evil Spider-Man's counterfeiting activities careen out of control, the police of Istanbul outsource and bring in Captain America (with girlfriend Julia, but minus shield) and El Santo to sort the shit out. That's basically what passes for a plot here, since the action swiftly becomes ludicrous and incomprehensible despite the presence of subtitles. No bullshit, I have no idea as to what most of the plot particulars are; one moment you have Captain America rescuing his girlfriend by shoving his hands through a cardboard wall at exactly the right location for strangling a crook and kicking cheapjack ass, and then the shot jarringly cuts to an unrelated scene of some random old man talking to some unidentified guys in suits. ??? It's totally incoherent amateur hour filmmaking and as such it's quite entertaining, and will give you a newfound respect for Ed Wood's body of work, although you may have to watch it in chunks because after about ten minutes of watching 3 DEV ADAM your brain will cry out for a rest. I mean, just look at this shit:

Spider-Man oversees a gruesome murder while decked out in a getup that doesn't even pass muster as longjohns.

El Santo and Captain America, both looking like they're in sore need of a serious dump.

Thrill (or not) to the blistering hero versus villain action!

Gaze in wonder at Spider-Man's awesome mask!

It's obviously a huge, steaming pile, but how could I not add it to my collection? And, unlike another horrible festival of copyright infringement, namely the Filipino ALYAS BATMAN EN ROBIN (1993), 3 DEV ADAM certainly isn't boring.

ALYAS BATMAN EN ROBIN: actually worse than all three of the new STAR WARS movies combined.

TRUST YER BUNCHE!!!