31 DAYS OF HORROR 2022 - Day 24: DRACULA A.D. 1972 (1972)

 

In 1872, Count Dracula (Christopher Lee) and his arch-enemy, Lawrence Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) engage in final combat, resulting in Dracula being fatally impaled on the spoke of a wagon wheel of the couch the pair battle upon. 

 

Van Helsing also perishes, but one of Dracula's followers — Seriously, why would anyone follow that bastard of their own volition? — retrieves the Count's remains and inters them near Van Helsing's grave at St, Bartolph's Church in England.

Oh, those wacky kids of early '70's London...

Fast forward by 100 years, to a London just exiting the swinging Sixties and now wallowing in the grooviness on the early 1970's. Jessica Van Helsing (Stephanie Beacham), granddaughter of Lorrimer Van Helsing (Peter Cushing again), attends a hippie-populated party where she meets Johnny Alucard (Christopher Neame), who appears to be the person who spirited away Drac's remains a century previous.  Alucard convinces Jessica and her friends to join him at the abandoned, deconsecrated St. Bartolph's Church, and if you have been paying attention during all of the previous entries in Hammer's Dracula franchise, you know exactly where all of this is going. Unfortunately, this is the point where Hammer's Dracula run, which had been teetering on and off for a while, finally gives up the ghost and plunges headlong into inescapable bad sequel territory.

Kensington gore and Caroline Munro as an altar: two great tastes that taste great together.

First of all, one of my pet gripes when it comes to vampire movies in general and Dracula movies in particular is when the writer's haul out the "Alucard" alias and think that it's clever. That one has been tired since Universal deployed it for SON OF DRACULA, and as of that film I have taken the use of "Alucard" as a harbinger of dire cinematic proceedings. This film's "Johnny Alucard" is unintentionally hilariously over the top, and he made me laugh out loud whenever he did or said pretty much anything. He's ridiculous and made me want to see what he got up to, but his presence can't have been intended to be as silly as it ended up being.

Say what you want for the rest of this misbegotten film, but Christpher Neame's turn as "Johnny Alucard" is a classic bit of unintentional (?) camp.

Second, while it was becoming clear that the times were a-changing and the once-edgy signature Hammer flavor of Gothic locales, heaving bosoms, and lashings of "Kensington gore were being rendered old hat by the more extreme horror entries from all over the world. The horrors of Vietnam and the Manson Family murders being broadcast on the nightly news opened our eyes to true hideousness, so Hammer's flavor was destined to be seen as quaint in the wake of ultra-nasty horror fare such as BLOOD FEAST (1963), 2000 MANIACS (1964), and THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (1972). Since Gothic was out, perhaps switching settings then-modern day London seemed like a good idea, but in no uncertain terms that creative decision drove a stake through the heart of Hammer horror and doused the corpse with a gallon of holy water.

I suppose most of the cast was game enough, but not even the presence of Peter Cushing, returning to the Dracula fold after too long an absence, and the lovely Caroline Munro save this from being a rote and instantly-dated attempt at being "down with the kids. And Christopher Lee, while always welcome as Dracula, looks visibly bored throughout.

"Do you like my ring? You can have it if you let me out of this turkey...

That said, the worst was yet to come...

Poster for the U.K. Theatrical release. Even Dracula looks goofy...

31 DAYS OF HORROR 2022 - Day 23: HALLOWEEN ENDS (2022)

 

To be 100% blunt, this one is impossible to discuss without spoiling everything, but as it's the latest and allegedly last of the long-in-the-tooth HALLOWEEN franchise, there was no way I could not at least mention it while it's fresh in theaters.

Taking place five years after the events of 2021's regrettable HALLOWEEN KILLS, Michael Meyers is presumed dead but his baleful influence over the town of Haddonfield remains in place as the inhabitants cope with the aftermath of his rampage. But with Michael out of the way, where does one take the franchise? Instead, the focus shifts to Corey Cunningham (Rohan Campbell), an aspiring engineering student whose Halloween night of babysitting results in a tragic accident that derails the course of his life. Meanwhile, series perennial Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis)  has made a stable life for herself after existing under the emotionally and psychologically crippling state generated by being Michael's perpetual target, sharing a house with her grand-daughter Allyson (Andi Matichak). The paths of Corey, Laurie, and Allyson collide as Corey, now a pariah in the town, finally snaps under the abuse by an assortment of bullies (and his own smothering mother), and things turn homicidal...

I don't mean to gyp my readers by not elaborating further, but what follows is best experienced cold. I will, however, note that I enjoyed the film for having the balls to take things in a new direction, resulting in what I consider to be the best in the series since the landmark 1978 original. Your mileage may vary, but I urge you to give it a chance. It would be nice if the studio sticks with the very final ending that the film gives us, but the series has already been completely rebooted a few times, so who knows what may come in its wake...

Poster for the theatrical and streaming release.

31 DAYS OF HORROR 2022 - Day 22: THE LONG HAIR OF DEATH (1964)

 

At the end of the fifteenth century, Adele Karnstein is accused of being a witch and is sentenced to be burned alive for murdering the brother of Count Humboldt (Giuliano Raffaelli). 

                                                                         Getting blazed. 

Adele has two daughters, the elder of whom, Helen (Barbara Steele), offers to do anything to save her mother, as she swears her mother is innocent. The sleazy count will "take it out in trade" (if you get what I mean), and the immolation ritual cannot take place until he arrives after "getting his." Unfortunately, his asshole son Kurt (Giorgio Ardisson) orders the burning to proceed without his father, and he laughs the whole while, because he is actually the murderer. While Helen endures ravishment by the Count, she hears her mother's dying curse upon the Count and his family, and she runs down to the pyre, too late. As all of this goes on, Adele's younger daughter, Lisabeth (Halina Zalewska), watches helplessly from the sidelines, accompanied by family maid Grumalda (Laura Nucci). Lisabeth is adopted by the Count, but the maid saves Adele's ashes, burying them at a secret grave so that Lisabeth can go there to pray for her mother's soul. Meanwhile, Helen in murdered by the Count so no one will know what transpired. Lisabeth then grows to lush young womanhood and unfortunately catches the eye of Kurt, who marries her against her will, but during the ceremony a woman who's a dead ringer for Helen arrives and is taken into the noble house when the Count perishes from a heart attack at the sight of her. Yes, it's Helen, back from the grave and seeking retribution... Oh, and all of this goes on while the black plague is in town.

If all of that sounds convoluted as hell, it is.

Helen (Barbara Steele) mourns for her immolated mother.

THE LONG HAIR OF DEATH is one of the many Italian shockers of the early 1960's that were heavily influenced by Mario Bava's 1960 classic THE MASK OF SATAN (aka BLACK SUNDAY), and it wears that influence with zero shame. It even cribs that film's star, and Barbara Steele lends the film an eerie presence that it sorely needs, as the movie is such an obvious knockoff, it's hard to take it on its own merits. Matters are also not helped by there being a lot of characters to keep track of, with the female leads being visually similar to a distracting degree. The film is by no means bad, and it's dripping with that signature Italian Gothic flavor, but if you have seen THE MASK OF SATAN, you have already seen the better film. Worth a look for witchcraft completists, but you miss little by skipping it.

Poster for the Italian theatrical release.

31 DAYS OF HORROR 2022 - Day 21: TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA (1970)

                                    Drinking DRacula's Kool-Aid. "Oh, YEEEEEAAAH!!!"

Three respected philanthropists seek fulfillment via debauchery in their off-time, becoming quite jaded in the process. 

 Pussy or a deal with the Devil? You decide!

During one of their nights at a favorite brothel, they meet young Lord Courtley (Ralph Bates), who was disinherited by his family for dabbling in the black arts. Courtley offers the debauched trio unprecedented experiences if they purchase from him artifacts of Count Dracula, including the vampire lord's dried blood, which will be mixed with Courtley's own blood and consumed in a black ritual. The gentlemen attend the ritual in an abandoned church, but all refuse to drink. Courtley, however, does drink, screams, and falls to the floor, grasping at his guests for help. Instead they stomp him to death and head for their homes, shaken by the whole sordid affair. Courtley's body of course transforms into Count Dracula (Christopher Lee), who vows vengeance upon those who murdered his servant.

                                                 Christopher Lee once again dons the cape.

TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA may have been the first Christopher Lee Dracula movie that I saw during childhood, during a late-night airing on NYC's Channel 5, and at the time I thought it was pretty good. Christopher Lee was an imposing figure as the Count, and the idea of a ritual involving imbibing what amounts to "Dracula Powdered Drink Mix" was intriguing, but pretty much everything else about this one is about as rote as it gets. It's a load of same old-same old with the expected murders and seductions and a pair of uninteresting lovers thrown into the mix, and while nowhere near as dire as what would come next in the cycle, this one's pretty skippable. 

Poster for the theatrical release. The campy tag line does not help matters.

31 DAYS OF HORROR 2022 - Day 20: MONSTER FROM A PREHISTORIC PLANET (1967)

There are times when the edited-for-television version of a film can be an improvement over its original theatrical release, and MONSTER FROM A PREHISTORIC PLANET is a perfect case in point. Also known as GAPPA, THE TRI-PHIBIAN MONSTER, this flick ran perennially as an expected part of the New York City's late, lamented THE 4:30 MOVIE's periodic and very popular "Monster Week" cycles, only with its original running time of 95 minutes was shorn to fit within a ninety-minute time slot with commercials, and while it might seem like much would be lost during the trimming, that necessary editing actually proved to be an act of mercy to viewers who were none the wiser. Unleashed upon an innocent public by the Nikkatsu Corporation, a company now best remembered for its softcore Roman porno flicks ("Roman" being shorthand for either "romance" or "romantic") of the 1970's and 1980's, the film appeared during the heyday of the original Japanese giant monster movie boom, this highly derivative time-waster is one dull motherfucker, which defies all logic since it contains three monsters and much of the carnage and mayhem requisite for the genre. The American dubbed version is included on the cheap DVD of the Gamera flick RETURN OF THE GIANT MONSTERS, and watching it for the purposes of this review was the first time I had seen this version of it since the late-1970's; I saw the high-end subbed and letterboxed version that was released domestically some years back, but I was drunk at the time and that edition utterly failed to hold my attention, but I remembered the version I saw several times as a kid as being entertaining enough...

Shamelessly cribbing from three vastly superior giant monster films — specifically KING KONG (1933), MOTHRA and GORGO (both 1961), but most especially from GORGO — the film tells the uninvolving story of a bunch of Japanese who show up on a South Seas island (complete with Japanese actors in head-to-toe shoe polish and adorned in Halloween party "native" garb), ostensibly to bring back animals to populate a theme park, but instead find the egg of an ancient and feared monster called Gappa. The party steals the baby monster in spite of the natives' profuse and vehement warnings, and in no time the baby's enormous and very pissed-off parents make their way to Japan in search of their offspring, causing much death and destruction along the way. The adult Gappa pair can fly and emit a devastating heat ray, so, just like when faced with the rampaging Mothra, mankind's feeble efforts are pretty much useless.

Ma and Pa Gappa do the urban renewal two-step.

By the time that the humans relent and let the baby loose to join its parents on an airport landing strip where they all fly away (also as seen in MOTHRA), I simply did not care. While ripping off three of the best giant monster movies ever made, MONSTER FROM A PREHISTORIC PLANET is dull, dull, dull, and completely lacks even a trace of the fun or magic of any of its inspirations, but the shortened-for-TV version livens up the full-length version's glacial pace by excising long bits of boring and pointless dialogue that only served to unnecessarily pad out the running time. I bet that the 4:30 MOVIE's cut would still hold up as an at least passable bit of filler programming, but that edit was unfortunately not included on the Gamera disc. Whatever the case, I'm glad I saw MONSTER FROM A PREHISTORIC PLANET just so I could speak on it from an informed standpoint. Now that that's done, I most likely won't ever revisit it. In short, miss this one and you miss nothing.

Poster from the original Japanese release.

31 DAYS OF HORROR 2022 - Day 19: REVENGE OF THE CREATURE (1955)

 

 The once-mighty Gill-Man, now reduced to a mere aquarium attraction.

Following the box office success of the previous year's CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, a sequel was inevitable. What resulted was a tragic showing for the last of the classic Universal monsters.

Having somehow survived being rather decisively killed at the end of his first film, the Gill-Man becomes the target of a pack of scientist assholes who go to his Amazon home, abduct him, and place his scaly ass on display for study in Florida's Ocean Harbor Oceanarium. Need I tell you how that works out for all involved?

 

As unashamedly horny as ever.

I get the studio wanting to wring more cash out of a popular IP, but it almost seems like they went out of their way to make this entry as rote and bland as humanly possible. Setting the main bulk of the story in a location as familiar as a Florida aquarium completely removes the atmosphere and mystery of the Gill-Man's native environment, a locale that once crossed into felt like some forbidden Lovecraftian realm. So what if the Creature does his usual chasing of a human female while also running amok amidst the throng of humanity and turning over cars? 

 

The careful craft that went int the first film is ignored in favor of a cheap and easy cash-in, with the Creature suit still looking good but very obviously a downgrade from the still-stunning original, and it just breaks my heart. This one is definitely skippable, but it's a damned sight better than the appalling THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US (1956), in which the Gill-Man, once more back from the dead, suffers severe burns that necessitate scientists surgically transforming him into a land animal. Avoid that one like the plague.

Poster from the theatrical release. Yet another case of the poster being more exciting than the movie it's hawking.

31 DAYS OF HORROR 2022 -Day 18: DRACULA (1931) Spanish-language Version

 

Filmed during night shoots on the same sets as the 1931 Tod Browning classic that lit the fuse on the original cycle of Universal monster flicks, this often overlooked version featuring a Spanish-speaking cast eluded horror completists for deacdes, but it can now be had with ease via home video. Though I grew up immersed in the pre-cable culture of the old school monster movie showcases that aired on weekends, I had no idea this alternate take on the Bela Lugosi landmark even existed until I was in my late teens, so when I was finally able to see it for myself and compare it with the more famous iteration, I was quite intrigued by what I got.

Helmed by George Melford, a veteran of the silent era, the Spanish-language DRACULA is pretty much exactly the same film as Browning's, but with its characters afforded livelier, more Latin flavor that is like night and day when viewed alongside the release that audiences are more familiar with. Carlos Villarías as Dracula somehow manages to be that much more suave than Lugosi's indelible take on the Count, and he manages this while simultaneously lending his performance many moments of over-the-top animated mugging. And the sensuality of this version is notched up several degrees higher than Browning's, presumably because "ethnic" types were perceived as being more "earthy" in their expression of carnality, so depicting non-white people getting up to such shenanigans was likely easier to get away with at the time.

Like I said, it's basically the same movie as Lugosi's version, only performed entirely in Spanish, and if I had to choose which one I prefer, I have to be honest and say that the Spanish-language version just works better, even minus the iconic presence of Bela. It's just that much more alive and active and, unlike Browning's film, it does not put me to sleep. RECOMMENDED.

Poster for the theatrical release.