SHANG-CHI AND THE LEGEND OF THE TEN RINGS (2021)

Ah, the joys of public transit.

Born from Marvel Comics' merry willingness to attempt glomming onto whatever trend is currently popular, no matter how ill-advised (witness US-1), Shang-Chi, Master of Kung-Fu was the imprint's answer to the martial arts movie boom of the mid-1970's. 

 

The inauspicious first appearance of Shang-Chi. (art by Jim Starlin, who was also busy creating Thanos right around that time)

Taking many cues from ENTER THE DRAGON (1973), artist Paul Gulacy's - not the first artist on the series, but absolutely the who visually defined it and far and away the most beloved and well-remembered - take on SHANG CHI: MASTER OF KUNG-FU gave us "Bruce Lee as James Bond," which was quite a departure from Marvel fare at the time (though it did take place within the Marvel Universe). Shang-Chi, raised from birth to be a living weapon for his father, pulp era mastermind super-criminal Fu Manchu (for whom Marvel had obtained the rights for use), was at first a wanderer but was swiftly conscripted by MI6 as an agent. Shang-Chi. along with an assortment of secret agent supporting characters, traveled the world on an odyssey of world-class ass-kicking directed against Fu Manchu. 

Classic-era Shang-Chi. (art by Paul Gulacy)

Shang-Chi as a character was intriguing because he was a mortal with martial arts skills of such a high caliber, he could go up against fighters whose abilities bordered on and often straight-up crossed into superhuman territory and beat the living shit out of them six ways to Sunday. The bottom line was simple: Do NOT fuck with Shang-Chi, no matter how quiet, serene, and philosophical he was when not handing someone their ass.

This was the kind of stuff that you just did not get anywhere else in Marvel Comics of the 1970's. (art by Paul Gulacy)

Though mildly popular as a cult series, SHANG-CHI: MASTER OF KUNG-FU ended in the early 1980's, as the chopsocky boom faded from the zeitgeist somewhere around 1978, but Shang-Chi still occasionally popped up in guest spots in titles across the Marvel Universe. Which brings us to the present.

Now that the heavy hitters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe's first three phases have mostly moved on, the studio now hopes to successfully mine Marvel's vast IP for other characters to make movies with, and Shang-Chi is the first of that roster to get a shot.

What's important to know here is that if you are going to this film with knowledge and love of the Shang-Chi of the classic '70's comics, you will likely hate this film, as it has pretty much nothing to do with the version of the comics. Shang-Chi, even in his heyday, was a rather problematic character and series, replete as it was with damned near every Asian stereotype you can name, including the presence of Fu Manchu himself in full-on "yellow peril" mode, plus to say nothing of the fact that all of the series' Asian characters' skin tones were colored varying shades of yellow or orange. Much like the classic Iron Man villain the Mandarin, adjustments and reimaginings had to be made in order for Shang-Chi to fly in the 2000's.

In short, forget everything you know about the original Shang-Chi and just strap yourself in for a total reboot.

Shang-Chi (Simu Liu) is a parking valet at a hotel, and he spends most of his time having fun with his platonic best friend and co-worker, Katy  (Awkwafina). 

Katy (Awkwafina) and Shang-Chi (Simu Liu), enjoying some fun before their lives are forever changed.

That is until his past catches up with him in the form of a group of skilled thugs, sent by his father, who want a pendant that he possesses. They approach him on a bus and attack with lethal ferocity, but this is when Shang-Chi lets his nice guy persona slip as he reveals himself to be possessed of shocking hand-to-hand combat skills. Despite Shang-Chi putting up one hell of a fight — seriously, it's spectacular, especially for an American-made film of this nature — the baddies manage to snatch the pendant, so from there Shang-Chi, with Katy along for the ride, journeys to find out why the pendant is so important. Along the way we meet Shang-chi's estranged sister, and we also meet their father, Wenwu (Tony Leung), an apparently immortal master of a criminal empire who seeks to free his once thought to be dead wife from an extra-dimensional barrier by using the Ten Rings, weapons of great power. But in doing so, Wenwu could release a threat that will spell doom for all involved and beyond...

Shang-Chi in superhero mode.

I had fun with the film, but I did feel it was a a tad overlong for the story it chose to tell, and it did not dazzle me the way it did most westerners who have seen it. I have been enjoying this sort of material for the past four decades, so I've seen many, many movies of this ilk, featuring all of the same elements and story beats, including the story's fantasy aspects, so to me it was a very light Marvel-branded confection. A true popcorn flick.

The film is structured in two halves, the first being set in San Francisco and introducing our hero and his sidekick, and the second set in an other-dimensional fantasy world straight out of your garden variety wuxia movie. (For example, Tsui Hark's 1983 GREEN SNAKE.) The abrupt tonal shift between the two settings is jarring, and in my opinion things slow down considerably once in the realm of fantasy. In fact, it got so slow and dreamlike, I fought not to doze off, but I eventually succumbed to a slumber that lasted less than a minute. (I was awakened by my own snoring.)

Pluses in this film include the always-welcome presence of my girl Michelle Yeoh (who kicks tons of ass, as per usual), Tong Leung's Wenwu, one of the MCU's best villains, and the sorcerer Wong (Benedict Wong) from DOCTOR STRANGE, which at first seems like a weird inclusion, but him being there does figure into the overall shebang, and a truckload of well-choreographed martial arts ass-whuppin'. I could have done without the magical creatures, most of which appear to have been included solely in hope that they will work as marketable merchandise. I'm also not a fan of introducing superpowers and magic/mysticism into the Shang-Chi mix, but this film was made for the Joe Sixpacks and not this aging comics fan.

It's a serviceable movie and it's good to see a lot of Asian faces in a Marvel film — or even in any major Hollywood film, for that matter — but be advised that the individual viewer's mileage may vary. Oh, and as always with Marvel films, stay all the way through to the end of the credits. We get two intriguing stingers... 

 

Poster for the theatrical release.

THE STREET FIGHTER'S LAST REVENGE (1974)

Sonny Chiba as Takuma Tsurugi returns for one final bout of karate mayhem.

I first saw THE STREET FIGHTER'S LAST REVENGE with the American dub, which involves intrigue surrounding factions warring over two tapes containing a valuable formula for synthetic heroin. What I did not know at the time was that the U.S. dub had been edited to remove some of the gore — in the Japanese version, Chiba rips a guy's heart out, which could have garnered an X — the order of some scenes had been rearranged, and that the plot about heroin was added by the American distributors, completely altering the Japanese version's story. The fuckery with the American version forced the film to make little or no sense, and I hated it when I saw that version in the '90's.

Then, a few years ago, one of my favorite "grey market" online video stores began selling a set of all three Street Fighter movies, uncut and with the option of watching them with English dubs or in Japanese with subtitles. I snagged the set and watched all of the films in Japanese for the first time, and the native language made a big difference in re-experiencing them. In the case of THE STREET FIGHTER'S LAST REVENGE, seeing the original version completely reversed my opinion on the film, and watching it again yesterday cemented its place in my head as my favorite of the sequels, as the liveliness of the first film returns somewhat. It's not as savage as the first installment, but it's a solid chopsocky actioner. So, for my one-man Sonny Chiba memorial wake, I  re-watched all of the Street Fighter movies, and this time I've finally made peace with RETURN OF THE STREET FIGHTER. It's mediocre, yes, but overall it has its moments, is entertaining enough to sit through, and Chiba is excellent while in what he must have known was just a "meh" sequel. THE STREET FIGHTER'S LAST REVENGE, however...

The story is solid, with Chiba's character staying more or less his usual asshole self, only having upped his game into the realms of a 1960's spy boom hero for this third outing. He's still a mercenary jobber for assorted underworld interests, but now he utilizes MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE-style masks as disguises and has a slick, James Bondian apartment.

Tsurugi fights for the film's Mcguffin,  a tape containing a confession worth killing for.

This time around, Tsurugi is hired to break out a criminal who's about to be interrogated by the police. That daring and clever breakout places an unwitting Tsurugi in the middle of two factions who seek to obtain a tape containing a damaging political confession. (The heroin plot found in the American dub has absolutely nothing to do with what was going on in the Japanese original.) Though Tsurugi delivers on the jobs he is paid for, he is double-crossed by his employers over and over again, and as we have previously seen, he is not a man to take being fucked-over lightly...

There's more mayhem in this one than in RETURN OF THE STREET FIGHTER, and the film moves at a lively pace. It's replete with karate fights, and the legendary Etsuko Shihomi (SISTER STREET FIGHTER, DRAGON PRINCESS, THE YOUNG ARISTOCRATS: MAKI'S 13 STEPS) pops up as a young but skilled Chinese karate fighter for hire. 

Tsurugi cops a cheap feel off of Etsuko Shihomi.

There's also Reiko Ike as an underworld seductress, and she is by far the most memorable and well-developed female character in the entire trilogy. A Flemingesque avaricious viper with a hot pussy who will shift alliances in a nano-second, as long as her shenanigans will make her rich.

Tsurugi cozies up to Reiko Ike during a romantic ride though a carwash.

THE STREET FIGHTER'S LAST REVENGE would almost be on par with the original if it had more blood and overall viciousness. What nastiness it does have is fun, though, and there's Mister Black, a ludicrous American character who's another of the seemingly endless legion of martial arts thugs for hire, only this guy runs around in full-on Mexican attire, complete with huge sombrero. 

  Mister Black: the Frito Bandito with laser fingers.

He claims to possess psychic superpowers that allow him to cut through wood and metal, so our anti-hero must somehow contend with a man with laser fingers. Tsurugi has a couple of encounters with sombrero man and susses out the source of his alleged superpower, with their final set-to occurring in a crematorium, where Tsurugi lures the guy into a coffin-style box that sends him straight into the crematorium's incinerator while the guy was very much alive. His screams as he's dispatched into the incinerator and realizes what's about to happen to him are horrifying.

Anyway, none of the several bad guys who fuck Tsurugi over during the course of the story make it out alive, and all meet terrible fates. In short, THE STREET FIGHTER'S LAST REVENGE does not disappoint, is flat-out the best of the sequels, and is a good installment with which to end the series. Personally, I would have loved to see more of Takuma Tsurugi adventures, perhaps even one where he meets his inevitable and nasty fate, but Sonny Chiba chose to move on and play other types of characters. Good on him, but his Takuma Tsurugi is indelible, and he is among my Top 5 martial arts movie protagonists.

Bottom line: THE STREET FIGHTER'S LAST REVENGE in its Japanese version is simply terrific and absolutely worth your time.

R.I.P, Sonny Chiba, dead at age 82, felled by the global scourge that is COVID-19. Thank you for entertaining us for so many years, and for being an all-around badass and sweet human being. You will not be forgotten.

 

Poster for the Japanese theatrical release.

RETURN OF THE STREET FIGHTER (1974)

The legendary Sonny Chiba returns as Takuma Tsurugi, once more facing off against rat bastard mafia scumbags. (Not that Tsurugi is himself any kind of a nice guy, but whatever...)

The international plague of COVID-19 continues its inexorable march, and just the other day it took one of the legends of martial arts cinema. Yes, COVID-19 felled the mighty Sonny Chiba at age 82, and now the legendary Street Fighter fights no more. Upon hearing the news, I was devastated, so, in Chiba's honor, I watched a triple-feature of the Street Fighter series as an impromptu wake for the martial artist/actor who had so thoroughly entertained me for nearly forty years. My thoughts on THE STREET FIGHTER, the landmark 1974 Japanese answer to ENTER THE DRAGON that was reportedly the first film to be award an X-rating for violence rather than sexual content when released in the United States, can be found here, so let's go over the first of its sequels.

Released a swift three months after its predecessor, RETURN OF THE STREET FIGHTER, though better than I usually give it credit for, is a tepid confection indeed when stacked against the masterpiece that preceded it. The plots beats are virtually the same as those in the first film — Takuma Tsurugi engages in assorted violent mayhem before being hired for a Mafia job his code of honor will not let him accept, so he fucks over those who hired him and spends the rest of the movie decimating those they send against him in retaliation for his betrayal. We also get a montage of Tsurugi's rigorous training, and he's stuck with a goofy Okinawan sidekick (Yoko Ichiji), only this time the sidekick is a young woman, with the proceedings padded out with reuse of the flashback about his father's execution during WWII (along with his father's memorable advice to him as a child) and bits of business from the previous film's Seikubon dojo sequence and fight against Grandmaster Masaoka (Masafumi Suzuki). And though he was quite decisively killed by having his throat manually and gorily ripped out by Tsurugi at the end of THE STREET FIGHTER, vengeance-seeking Masashi Ishibashi as Shikenbaru ("Junjo" in the U.s. dub of both THE STREET FIGHTER and this sequel) returns (complete with flashback footage of their last encounter at the previous film's climax, further padding things out), seemingly from the dead, to once more engage with Tsurugi, only this time somehow equipped with bionic vocal chords. Oooookaaaay... (Shikenbaru notably ends up suffering the same electrified fate as Oddjob in the 1964 James Bond classic, GOLDFINGER.)

Having seen the classic original, watching RETURN OF THE STREET FIGHTER is a textbook case of the filmmakers playing it safe and just more or less giving the audience the same film again, only this time with the gore and flagrant brutality considerably neutered. Though there are plenty of fun karate fights throughout, they are neither as lively nor as creative as those found in the first film, and the climax is very much a rehash of the first film's, with Tsurugi making mulch of dozens of opponets, though this time in a building instead of on a rain-swept oil tanker. That said, there is a memorable bit where Tsurugi inexplicably finds himself atop a snowy ski slope where he is attacked by two weapons-wielding assailants that he makes short work of, with the coup de grace being him slugging a guy so hard in the back of the head that he knocks the bastard's eyeballs out of their sockets. 

                                                             An eye-popping encounter.

That moment lives up to the glory of the initial installment, but it's a diamond found in one's truck stop sushi. Nonetheless, an acceptable and entertaining way to spend 85 minutes.

Extra points for the superb foley work. The numerous slaps, crunches, and squish noises greatly enhance the fight scenes.

Poster for the Japanese theatrical release.

Poster for the U.S. theatrical release.

THE STREET FIGHTER FIGHTS NO MORE

Requiescat en pace to the martial arts cinema icon Sonny Chiba, taken from us by the scourge of COVID-19 at age 82. His THE STREET FIGHTER (1974) was reportedly the first film to earn an MPAA rating of X for violence rather than sexual content, and it remains my favorite karate/martial arts film that takes place in the then-present day. If you have never seen it, I cannot recommend it enough.

From 2015, here's the raw footage of yours truly expounding on THE STREET FIGHTER and its meaning for and impact upon me personally, minus script and on the floor at a now-defunct Park Slope comics shop. (special thanks to Bill Scurry)

 

BLACK WIDOW (2021)

                        Natasha (Scarlett Johansson) and Yelena (Florence Pugh): Total badasses.

So, BLACK WIDOW is good enough to have held my attention, but it’s definitely a lesser Marvel flick. Not bad, per se, just lesser.

The plot finally gives us an origin for Natasha, and it's a tragic one, revealing more secrets of the Red Room. It opens with a look at barely-pubescent Natasha and her six-year-old sister, Yelena, living an idyllic life with their mother and father in Ohio. But, this being an espionage story, nothing is as it seems, and soon enough the girls are turned over by their father and drugged, subsequently spirited away for Red Room indoctrination. If you were paying attention to details dropped by Natasha in the AVENGERS films, you have a pretty good idea of what she and Yelena endured while being molded into elite professional killers. The story then skips ahead by 21 years, and we see Natasha still on the run after the events of CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR. After that, I will spoil nothing, other than to state that the now-grown Yelena is still under the mind-control of the Red Room, but not for long...

Scarlett Johansson as the Black Widow has only really shined in a handful of the MCU movies, and while I'm sure the scriptwriters and directors instructed her to mostly play Natasha as something of a personality-void badass — with the exception of her turns in CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER and AVENGERS: ENDGAME — the blandness of her standard performance as Natasha makes me sad because I love the character as portrayed on the page, and little or none of what endeared me to her in the first place — 50 (!!!) years ago — has been present onscreen. Instead, this film is utterly stolen by Florence Pugh as Yelena Bolova. Once freed from the stranglehold of the Red Room, she displays personality to burn, which is good because she's clearly being set up to replace Natasha after the events of AVENGERS: ENDGAME. David Harbour and Rachel Weisz are also quite good as Nat and Yelena's parents, and that's all I'll say on that.

The film does not need to be 133 minutes long, and at times it has serious issues with pacing, a state of affairs familiar to anyone who's seen a Bond or Bourne movie over the past 25 years, and it’s needlessly over-long at 133 minutes, nearly ten of which are credits. Other than it being set in the MCU, it’s just another big-budget espionage flick. It takes place immediately after Captain America: Civil War, and it should have been released in sequence. Releasing it now comes as a case of too little too late. The time to strike would have been during the height of Avengers-Mania, when everyone and their parakeet would have shelled out the movie theater ticket price to see it. I was fortunate to have access to a friend's Plex account, and thanks to that I can honestly say that the film is in no way worth the thirty bucks Disney+ wants for it.

Lastly, by now you all know the drill, but I'm saying it anyway: If you do allow yourself to be rooked for thirty bucks, make sure to stay for the stinger at the end. I am intrigued...

Poster for the theatrical release.

MUSINGS ON BONDAGE — 007: FROM WORST TO BEST

 

My Facebook page often ventures into discussion of the James Bond franchise with like-minded buffs, and the discussion often get heated. I prefer the more grounded entries, with a minimum of gadgets and groan-inducing puns and gags, while others eat that stuff up and favor stories where there more outlandish, the better. As NO TIME TO DIE, the pandemic-delayed 25th entry in the series, looms,  I was recently asked about my thoughts on the overall series, so after much pondering and shuffling of placement, here's my ranking of all 24 official James Bond films from Eon Productions, from least-favorite to the cream of the crop. Please write in with comments and your take.

24. DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER (1971) 

 

James Bond: dockside rent boy.
 

 After the excellence of ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE, George Lazenby vacated the role of 007, so the studio lured Sean Connery back by paying him an obscene amount of money, plus other assorted perks. Irredeemably idiotic trash that ignores the tragic events of the previous film's conclusion, this mess moves Bond into the 1970's, and it's a transition that just does not work.  A complete waste of Connery in his last film for the official series, this one includes a pointless moon buggy chase, a pair of acrobat females for Bond to battle, a tandem act of homosexual hitmen, and Charles Gray as a laughable iteration of Blofeld. For completists only. Otherwise, you can skip this and miss nothing.

 

23. A VIEW TO A KILL (1985) 

 

 Musical accompaniment: the Beach Boys' "California Girls." I shit you not.

 

Cringe-worthy garbage featuring a 130-year-old Roger Moore who hot dogs while snowboarding. Not even Christopher Walken and Grace Jones as the baddies can save this disaster. Exceptional theme song, though.

 

22. SPECTRE (2015) 

 

Bond endures the unspeakable torment of sitting through this film.
 

Terrible across the board, with the exception of a stunning opening on the Day of the Dead in Mexico. Wimpiest theme song of the entire run, and the idiotic development regarding Blofeld is worthy of earning the screenwriter a severe caning.

 

21. QUANTUM OF SOLACE (2008) 

 

Bond valiantly attempts to flee from this film, but no such luck.
 

Marred by massive production difficulties, this is more like "Quantum of So What?" Incomprehensible, with headache-inducing editing. That said, I only saw this one once, so I would be willing to give it a second chance, but I fucking hated it upon seeing it on opening weekend.

 

20. THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH (1999) 

 

Bond opts for death by torture, rather than be bored to death like the audience.
 

Mediocrity defined, all involved just phoned it in for this lifeless time-waster. Denise Richards, the human bobblehead, fails to be believable as a scientist, though I have to give it up for Elektra King (Sophie Marceau), the series first female Big Bad.

 

19. DIE ANOTHER DAY (2002)  

 

James, please... Invisible car or not, we see you trying to sneak out of this idiotic turd.
 

A festival of bad tropes with an awful theme song, an invisible car, a Chinese villain who turns into a white man, the unwelcome presence of Madonna as a fencing instructor (!!!), and Bond parasailing while surfing atop a tidal wave. Redeeming factor: Halle Berry as Jinx, rocking a nod to the Ursula Andress DR. NO bikini.

 

18. THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS (1987) 

 

Though surrounded by a bevy of beauties, 007 fights to stay awake.

 

Great opening sequence that returns Bond to gritty basics, let down by every other aspect being boring and painfully overlong. Wholly unmemorable theme song by a-ha...SERIOUSLY???

 

17. LIVE AND LET DIE (1973) 

 

Surprisingly, not a scene from MANDINGO.

 

Bond and blaxploitation do not mix. Embarrassingly racially offensive, even when it came out, it also features possibly the most overrated theme song out of the lot — Yeah, I said it! Come at me! — and the noxious presence of "comic relief" redneck stereotype Sheriff J.W. Pepper (Clifton James). For a long time, before I rewatched the majority of the series, this ranked at the bottom of my list. Redeeming features: Jayne Seymour as the toothsome Solitaire, and the hilarious/ridiculous demise of Mr. Big.

 

16. MOONRAKER (1979) 

 

When 007 joined the Rebel Alliance in the struggle against the Empire.

 

Like LIVE AND LET DIE, this is the tragic result of the Bond series attempting to cash in on trends instead of setting them. Having nothing to do with the source novel aside from some character names, this is 007 in the wake of the ultra-blockbuster box office success of STAR WARS (1977) and by this point the series was too jokey and outlandish for its own good. Balls-out awful, but hilarious if approached as a piss-take.

 

15. OCTOPUSSY (1983) 

 

The tears of a clown in the employ of MI-6.

 

Barely passable, ridiculous plot, forgettable theme song, and Bond un-ironically disguised as a circus clown. (see above) Acceptable if you have nothing better to do on a rainy afternoon.

 

14. GOLDENEYE (1995) 

 

007 meets Xenia Onatopp and her homicidal vagina.
 

Decent but overlong and occasionally dull, but somewhat redeemed by the homicidal hilarity of Xenia Onatopp (Famke Janssen).

 

13. THE SPY WHO LOVED ME (1977) 

 

Having banged every female on the planet, Bond explores new horizons.
 

 I'm gonna get shit for this, but this one is simply far too '70's/disco era for my tastes, plus its an almost beat-for-beat remake of YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE, which struck me as the height of creative laziness. I also was not fond of Jaws (Richard Kiel), a hulking assassin who's pretty much a cartoonish "upgrade" of GOLDFINGER's Oddjob.

 

12. THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN (1974) 

 

It was 1974 and everybody was kung fu fightin', even in a James Bond movie.

 

Admittedly mediocre/bad, but mindless fun, this was released the year after ENTER THE DRAGON and Bruce Lee captivated the common zeitgeist, so, much like it had done with blaxploitation in LIVE AND LET DIE, the franchise again mined a popular trend, this time the then-still-exotic East and chopsocky ass-whuppin'. Bond travels to (among other locales) Bangkok, where he almost gets his ass handed to him by an entire martial arts school, until his bacon is saved by the most badassed pair of schoolgirls you have ever seen (see above). The rest of the story is mostly an excuse for another travelogue, but come on. It's all about Bond versus Christopher Lee. It's one of the few times when I genuinely rooted for the bad guy to win. Extra points for introducing the world to Herve Villechaise as the diminutive henchman Nick Nack. However, points majorly detracted for the unwelcome return of Sheriff J.W. Pepper, and the unforgivable inclusion of a slide whistle sound effect over an otherwise spectacular car stunt.

 

11. THUNDERBALL (1965) 

 

She's a man, baby!

 

One of the definitive entries, sometimes for all the wrong reasons, (which I have discussed at length here) this  is the first of the extravagant 007 travelogue spectacles, as well as being the first overlong installment, which is in no way helped by the turgid pacing. Features two of the all-time hottest Bond girls — Fiona Volpe (Luciana Paluzzi) and Dominque "Domino" Derval (Claudine Auger) — a terrific opening sequence, a villain who's as cool as 007 (Emilio Largo, played by Adolfo Celi), and my pick for the best of the theme songs. Tom Jones reportedly fainted after hitting that incredible sustained final note, and I totally believe it.

 

10. DR. NO (1962) 

 

Meet James Bond (Sean Connery).

 

It all had to start somewhere, and while it has its moments, it's primitive, basic, and has aged/dated rather badly, but we do get the introduction of the Sean Connery Bond, and he is nothing less than mesmerizing. The classic James Bond theme instrumental is introduced, and the film is pretty much stolen by Ursula Andress in what can only be described as an era-defining bikini. An unexpected hit that spawned a franchise which continues just shy of sixty years later.

 

9. YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE (1967) 

 

What the...?!!!? Where's 007? And who the hell is this Japanese guy???
 

 Bond fakes his death (for no good reason), goes to Japan to investigate SPECTRE stealing space capsules in a bid to ignite WWIII, flies the awesome Little Nellie (an autogyro with more ordnance than your average battleship), gets married, and receives plastic surgery that turns him into the least-convincing Japanese man this side of Mickey Rooney in BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S. Sporting a great theme song from Nancy Sinatra and some incredible sets by Ken Adam, this is one of the definitive entries whose tropes are frequently parodied. (The first Austin Powers movie cribs heavily from this.) It's a lot of fun, if occasionally sluggish at points, despite it coming off like a lavish episode of THUNDERBIRDS and Sean Connery very obviously fed up with being in these films.

 

8. TOMORROW NEVER DIES (1997)  

 

HK action legend Michelle Yeoh as secret agent Wai Lin: as badassed as 007.

 

My pick as Pierce Brosnan's most fun effort as Bond, this features memorable set pieces, a terrific theme song from Cheryl Crow, and, Michelle Yeoh as the coolest and toughest Bond girl of the lot.

 

7. LICENCE TO KILL (1989) 

 

Worst wedding day ever.
 

Bond is at his most savage and Flemingesque as he goes off the reservation to avenge the mutilation-by-shark of friend and colleague Felix Leiter (David Hedison), whose wife was also gang-raped and murdered (on their wedding day no less). This one polarizes Bond fans thanks to its hard edge and shockingly vicious violence, but I'm a reader of the Fleming novels, so I found most of the films up to this point to be lacking the sadistic nastiness of Bond's creator, therefore I dug this. It has a great SCARFACE-influenced villain played by Robert Davi and bears a sense of tension throughout as 007 pursues his vendetta without the approval of MI-6. Very good until the weak final third and the questionable inclusion of Wayne Newton as a superfluous minor villain.

 

6. FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (1981) 

 

Bond, ridding himself of a pesky assassin.
 

After the cartoonish excesses of MOONRAKER, it was back to basics, resulting in what is hands down Moore's best Bond effort. Minimal gadgets and quips, plus a nastier edge that evokes Fleming. A bit '80's-dated but still very good.

 

5. GOLDFINGER (1964)  

 

BOND: Do you expect me to talk?

GOLDFINGER (jovially): No, Mister Bond...I expect you to DIE."

 

Arguably the most iconic film in the series, Its every aspect carved the basic Bond template in stone, which was a bad thing because they more or less repeatedly remade it for the next two decades. It's also something of an oddity because Bond spends the majority of the running time a prisoner of the superb title villain, but that's offset by classic characters like Pussy Galore, Oddjob, the rolling arsenal that is the legendary Q Division Aston Martin DB5, John Barry's stellar score, and Shirley Bassey's indelible title song. This is the goods, kids, and if your mom saw it when it came out, Sean Connery in this made her wetter than a swamp.

 

4. SKYFALL (2012) 

 

London calling.
 

The second-best of Daniel Craig's run and a high point for the franchise. After the disappointment of QUANTUM OF SOLACE, I went to this with the lowest of expectations, but what I got was a superb modern entry and one of the very finest of the series. Solid plot, tough-as-nails 007, a great villain whose revenge plot against Judi Densch's M is understandable, and the full-force return of the Aston Martin DB5.

 

3. ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (1969) 

 

Sean Connery is out. Enter George Lazenby.
 

The first Bond without Sean Connery, this has one of the strongest plots in the run, and newcomer George Lazenby does an adequate job as 007 in what would be his sole turn in the role. Too bad he didn't stick around, because he likely would have improved had he done more entries. The plot hews close to the source novel and this would have taken the #1 slot on my list if Connery had starred, but that minor quibble is made up for by brisk direction and incredible cinematography, a quick pace that belies its long running time, Telly Savalas as arguably the most formidable iteration of Blofeld, and Diana Rigg as the most tragic of the Bond women. The instrumental title theme is one of John Barry's best, and he kind of ripped himself off when more or less remaking it as the theme for the posthumous Bruce Lee film, GAME OF DEATH (1978).

 

2. CASINO ROYALE (2006) 

 

Enter the blonde Bond.

 

A superb, shattering modernization of the first Bond novel, as well as a soft reboot for the series, with not a missed note in the whole endeavor. Basically Bond's origin story, this one's so good, you won't care that Bond has a face like a bulldog and is a blonde. All of the elements fire on all cylinders, resulting in a top-notch 007 thriller.

 

1. FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE (1963)  

 

The rarest of the rare: an immediate sequel that far exceeds its predecessor. 

 

The second in the series and the most no-bullshit Bond of the entire run, as well as one of the best spy films ever made. This Hitchcock-influenced effort hews close to the source novel, largely eschews over-the-top gadgets and quips, and gives us a solid Cold War-era straight espionage thriller with excellent villains and arguably the best/most realistic fight scene in the entire series. Though it may come off kind of slow by modern standards, the strength here is the plot and the performances, all of which are top shelf. Especially memorable are Bond's Turkish ally, Ali Kerim Bey (Pedro Armendariz), Istanbul's more fun answer to MI-6's M; terrifying ultra-butch Russian SPECTRE agent Rosa Klebb (Lotte Lenya), whose overtly predatory dykiness must have been quite shocking some sixty years ago; psycho hitman Red Grant (Robert Shaw), and the lovely honey pot Soviet agent Tatiana Romanova (Daniella Bianchi), who is unwittingly played by SPECTRE and ends up in it way over her head. Simply put, this is everything a Cold War-era populist spy thriller should be, and it is in every an improvement on its predecessor. The apex of classic Bond and Sean Connery's favorite of the lot.

And here's hoping that NO TIME TO DIE ends the Daniel Craig era with a bang, rather than a whimper!

From "8 James Bomb Bomb Movies" (MAD MAGAZINE #165, March 1974)